If I must be a zombie can I at least eat brains?

There are few things in the world as horrifyingly annoying as nosebleeds, which I have had far more than my fair share of lately.

The absolute worst are (relatively) early in the morning when you're still in bed and juuuuust the conscious side of sleep. Oh bother, you think groggily, I need a tissue. Then you sit up and an unhealthy quantity of fluid starts dripping. Finally, if you're me, you open your eyes and see that the fluid is in fact blood, which causes your adrenal glands to jump-start your body and you trip over yourself trying to reach the tissues on your desk. In the process blood will drip all over your pillowcase, nighttime attire, floor, hands, and desk. You will also, for a distinct few seconds, come within a hair's breadth of passing out, for two reasons: One, you just went from 'fully relaxed and reclined' to 'madly dashing across the room fumbling for things' in slightly less than a quarter of a second, and Two, blood is oozing out of a bodily orifice at a rate that I estimate is most frequently the result of getting mauled by a fully-grown Grizzly bear.

Once more with feeling: I HATE ALLERGIES!