A true cat story

INT: KITCHEN - DAY

HUMAN stands at the stove, cooking herself some eggs for lunch. Behind her, the cat door clatters open and BIG BLACK CAT enters.

HUMAN

Hello, housemate's Big Black Cat. You are absolutely covered in dirt, as you often are.

Cat makes a beeline across the open-plan house and stops in front of the front door.

CAT

Meow

(subtitles: Lemme out!)

HUMAN

You just came in from outside, you doof.

CAT

Mow meow MOW MOW

(subtitles: Oh god oh god why won't you let me outside right now you horrible person it hurts!)

Human crosses to front door and opens it.

HUMAN

Fine, you stupid beast, but I'll remind you that this is the same damn outside you just came in from.

CAT

Mow.

Cat stands uncertainly in doorway.

HUMAN

In or out, your choice, but please pick one before my eggs overcook.

Cat backs up a step.

HUMAN

Okay, inside it is.

The cat dashes out through the closing screen door.

CAT

Meow!

(subtitle: Gotcha, sucker!)

HUMAN

Stupid cat.