How to get a job with the IRS

1. See an ad in the classifieds, go to jobs.irs.gov, and find whatever job it is you're qualified for. Spend half an hour filing out the online application and, in my case, calculating how many credit-hours I've actually racked up at school, and add in work experience. Submit the application and wait.
2. Recieve an e-mail telling you to report for testing. Print and fill out six government forms. Then, on the given day, get up at 5:30 in the morning, leave around six, drive for half an hour across state lines and down Roosevelt Boulevard, and then spend the next hour waiting to take a typing test.
3. After you pass the test, you'll have to do a few more things while you're there: go over your forms with someone, get fingerprinted, go over your forms again, and fill out a few more sheets of paperwork. Then you wait for the second email.
4. When that comes, you again trundle off down the Boulevard to get there at 7am, after having filled out more paperwork. You'll wait some more, fill out some more paperwork, have to make some changes to your paperwork, and finally get told to report for orientation and training in two weeks.
   
5. In two weeks, you'll go in again, to the real IRS place, not the personnel office, and at the sane hour of 6PM rather than 7AM. You'll spend about an hour filling out more paperwork, go for a walk around an impressively massive building which is just full of tax people. Bask in this: the building is the size of a warehouse, at least, and not a small one. It's enormous. And it's full of tax people. Then you'll watch a few more training videos and learn all about America's 87% tax-compliance rate and learn that taxing whiskey didn't really go over so well with corn farmers.
6. Then they'll talk to you about UNAX. UNAX is "unauthorized access" of tax records: anything that either you have no reason to be poking about it, and/or provides a "financial conflict of interests." They really, really don't want you to do this, and apparently if they even think you have gone snooping around, they'll try to dismiss you. This talk, coupled with the fact that I signed a paper saying that I resign already (if I don't pass the training) leads to...not a great deal of enthusiasm.
7. Look at the pay-scale sheet they gave you. Realize that you are a GS-4 employee and getting paid for training, so this time you're getting paid $12.74/hr for filling out government forms (including some things you've already filled out). Then realize that anything you do after 6PM (remember: training starts promptly at 6) also gets a night differential of 10%, and that means that in the past four hours you just got paid over fifty bucks.
8. Feel marginally better about working for governmental evil and being an enabler of policies you in no way agree with, and keep reminding yourself: $12.74 +10% = getting the hell out of Dodge a little bit faster.