Engrish

I saw an offer online a while ago for a free pedometer in exchange for my email address, and I figured why the hell not, since I'm someone who walks a fair bit, I might as well attach some numbers to my walking to nerd over. I then forgot all about it, so I was pleasantly surprised to get something other than junk in the mail today, in the form of a shiny new made-in-China plastic gadget.

It came with a little sheet of instructions, which is highly necessary for a device with all of two buttons and one function (the two buttons let you scroll between a display of steps, calories burned, or distance in miles or km, and the second button resets it). For an incredibly cheap made-in-China plastic gadget, the instructions are surprisingly well-written. Obviously there was some cut-rate translation involved, but they're usable. There are a few gems: "When changing the battery, please call the expert [er?], or maybe cause damage" is kind of charming, actually, because it's arguably true - call an "expert", or maybe you'll cause damage! Most of the page is like that - the grammar and word choice is a little odd, but it works.

And then at the very end, I'm treated to this: "Breakable does not drop and wet."

...So close! It's literally the last sentence(ish) on the sheet. They were six words away from a more-or-less acceptable English instruction sheet, and then I guess the guy who knows English best took off early or something. I suppose it's possibly true, that breakable does not drop and wet, but...

Attn: Netflix robots

Appropriate "more like this" suggestions for the movie Carrie: The Evil Dead, Fallen.

Debatable appropriate "more like this" suggestions for the movie Carrie: In The Bedroom.

Deeply inappropriate "more like this" suggestion for the movie Carrie: Bolt.

...

I adore The Onion.

I don't question God. The Lord is my Shepherd and I shall put none above Him. Which is why I know that if it were part of God's plan for me to stop viciously condemning others based solely on their sexual preference, He would have seen fit—in His infinite wisdom and all—to have given me the tiniest bit of human empathy necessary to do so.