Engrish

I saw an offer online a while ago for a free pedometer in exchange for my email address, and I figured why the hell not, since I'm someone who walks a fair bit, I might as well attach some numbers to my walking to nerd over. I then forgot all about it, so I was pleasantly surprised to get something other than junk in the mail today, in the form of a shiny new made-in-China plastic gadget.

It came with a little sheet of instructions, which is highly necessary for a device with all of two buttons and one function (the two buttons let you scroll between a display of steps, calories burned, or distance in miles or km, and the second button resets it). For an incredibly cheap made-in-China plastic gadget, the instructions are surprisingly well-written. Obviously there was some cut-rate translation involved, but they're usable. There are a few gems: "When changing the battery, please call the expert [er?], or maybe cause damage" is kind of charming, actually, because it's arguably true - call an "expert", or maybe you'll cause damage! Most of the page is like that - the grammar and word choice is a little odd, but it works.

And then at the very end, I'm treated to this: "Breakable does not drop and wet."

...So close! It's literally the last sentence(ish) on the sheet. They were six words away from a more-or-less acceptable English instruction sheet, and then I guess the guy who knows English best took off early or something. I suppose it's possibly true, that breakable does not drop and wet, but...

THE NEW PRODUCT COME INTO THE MARKET

Instructions for Environment-Protective Torch for 21st century

Features:

1. Only shake it forward and backward while in use, So as to make it generating to light up.

2. Its switch system is based on advanced magnetic induction technologies. So it's long in service life and reliable in performance.

Advantages:

1. A torch is used for emergency lighting purpose. However, the traditional battery-supplied torch may cause you a big trouble because the batteries will become ineffective and produce

pollution if the torch is left idle for a long time. The chargeable torch also has the problem of power leakage; or it will help you remember to charge only at the time you need. This innovative torch is the breakthrough in solution to waste and inconvenience.

2. Being self-supplying, it will serve you long and well.

(taken from the box of an electromagnetically-powered flashlight).

(shockingly not made in the USA)

(the box has a German recycling logo on it as well.)

Oh, I'm deeply ashamed

So, uh, apparently, the young lady in this clip has an impenetrable accent.

Honestly, had I not watched it in that context, I probably wouldn't have noticed anything remotely remarkable about it: yeah, she mumbles a little bit but she sounds perfectly normal. Ah, Philadelphia, birthplace of some terrible crimes against the English language. (Caveat: "Yous" is a perfectly acceptable pluralization in casual conversation. "Y'all," and particularly "All y'all" is never, ever acceptable.)

The typed comments are retarded, though.

Oh boy

I've decided - though I don't know if I'll follow through - to try to begin teaching myself Arabic this summer.  So far I'm working through the beginning of The Arabic Alphabet: How to Read & Write It.  

So far I'm very, very intimidated.